|
Sports
Babble
|
| The following
are all of the Weekly Babble that have appeared on Mindless
Crap, followed by the date in which it appeared.
|
"I'm
going to give 110% on every play. You can't give
any more than that."
- University of Illinois quarterback
Jimmy Johnson, on his approach to the game (4-1-04) |
|
"He
should have been better, pitching on 3,195 days rest."
- Broadcaster Steve Blass on strike
replacement player Jimmy Boudreau, out of pro baseball
for almost nine years (4-1-04) |
|
"I
play football. I'm not trying to be a
professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to
me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been
through in school."
- Clemson football recruit Ray
Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of
academic requirements (2-1-04) |
|
"Our
record may lead everyone to think that we are just a
ridiculously sorry team, but we're not."
- Vincent Brown, New England
Patriots linebacker, downplaying the team's 1-9 record (2-1-04) |
|
"Play
some Picasso."
- New Jersey Nets forward Chris
Miller, making an unusual musical request to a piano
player in a hotel bar (12-1-03) |
|
"There
have been a plethora of guys to hit it up there, but
that was the plethorest."
- Chuck Pool, Florida Marlins
publicist, after Kevin Mitchell hit an upper-deck home
run at Joe Robbie Stadium (12-1-03) |
|
"Sometimes,
God gives you physical talent and takes away the brain."
- Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka,
on the crowd-inciting antics of Green Bay Packers linebacker
Tim Harris
(10-1-03) |
|
"Your
Holiness, I'm Joseph Medwick. I, too, used to be a Cardinal."
- Joseph "Ducky" Medwick,
former outfielder with the St. Louis Cardinals, to the
Pope during a visit to the Vatican with a group of servicemen
during World War II
(10-1-03) |
|
"You
have really solidified the Mets' center field problems."
- Mets announcer Ralph Kiner to outfielder
Daryl Boston
(9-1-03) |
|
"The
problem is, I don't know any exercises for their brains."
- Glen Sather, Edmonton Oilers coach,
trying to correct his team's defensive flaws
(9-1-03) |
|
"This
is his first major league debut."
- Chicago Cubs broadcaster Steve
Stone, talking about Giants pitcher Bill VanLandingham
(8-1-03) |
|
"I
can't really remember the names of the clubs we went
to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, on whether he
had visited the Parthenon during his trip to Greece
(8-1-03) |
|
"When
you're my size in the pros, fear is a sign that you're
not stupid."
- Jerry Levias, 5 foot - 9 inch, 177
pound kick returner
(6-1-03) |
|
"Be
sure to put some of them neutrons on it."
- Pro baseball player Mike Smith,
instructing a waitress on how to prepare his salad
(6-1-03) |
|
"I
don't need a chest protector. I need a bra."
- Gus Triandos, former catcher for
the Baltimore Orioles, playing in an Old-timers Game
(4-1-03) |
|
"Throwing
people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle
- once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun."
- Former American League umpire Ron
Luciano
(4-1-03) |
|
"That
was Andy Benes' fifth strikeout on the day. He
came in with 94, so now he has 104 strikeouts on the
year."
- Baseball color commentator Ralph
Kiner
(3-1-03) |
|
"I
like to hurt women when I make love to them...to see
them bleed."
- Boxer and convicted rapist Mike
Tyson (3-1-03)
|
|
"If
you think about it, you realize right away that athletic
performance and sexual performance always go hand in
hand."
- Sportswriter Maury Allen, explaining
sex's role with athletes
(2-1-03) |
|
"The
problem with having a sense of humor is often that people
you use it on aren't in a very good mood."
- College football coach Lou Holtz
(2-1-03) |
|
"I
have two weapons - my legs, my arm and my brains."
- Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael
Vick (1-16-03)
|
|
"Well
sir, I grew up in Oklahoma and out there, once you start
running, there ain't nothing to stop you."
- Pepper Martin, former major league
baseball player, answering a question about how he learned
to run so fast
(1-16-03) |
|
"So
I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit
with his face."
- Hall of Fame catcher Yogi Berra,
on his appearance
(12-16-02) |
|
"Being
with a woman all night never hurt a professional baseball
player. It's staying up all night looking for
a woman that does him in."
- Casey Stengel, former manager of
the New York Yankees and the New York Mets
(12-16-02) |
|
"I
asked the doctor before he closed the wound if he could
put some brains in there."
- Outfielder Rex Hudler, after smacking
into a wall while trying to snare a foul ball
(12-1-02) |
|
"Tonight,
we're honoring one of the all-time greats in baseball,
Stan Musial. He's immoral."
- Former major leaguer Johnny Logan,
introducing Musial at a banquet
(12-1-02) |
|
"We
figured if we shut them out, there's no way we can lose."
- Brett Wallerstedt, former Arizona
State linebacker, after a 19-0 victory over Louisville
(12-1-02) |
|
"Well,
that kind of puts a damper on even a Yankee win."
- New York Yankees broadcaster Phil
Rizzuto, reacting to a news bulletin that Pope Paul
VI had died on August 6, 1978
(11-1-02) |
|
"Nobody
in football should be called a genius. A genius
is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theismann as quoted on SuccessForYou.net
(11-1-02) |
|
"One
more thing, when Russians talk to you, or at least to
me, they get really close to you. With some people
you feel as if you are about to die because they have
bad breath."
- Venus Williams from an online diary
she kept for the Women's Tennis Association's Web site
(11-1-02) |
|
"90%
I'll spend on good times, women and Irish whiskey.
The other 10% I'll probably waste."
- Pitcher Tug McGraw, referring to
how he was planning on spending his 1975 salary of $75,000
(10-16-02) |
|
"I
believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't
any rules, how could you break them?"
- Leo Durocher, Hall of Fame manager
of the Brooklyn Dodgers
(10-16-02) |
|
"I
just try to concentrate on concentrating."
- Martina Navratilova in the October
20, 1986 edition of US magazine
(10-16-02) |
|
"No.
We don't cheat.. And even if we did, I'd never
tell you. It's not that I don't trust you - it's
all your readers I don't trust."
- Tommy Lasorda to a reporter in 1988
(10-1-02) |
|
"Honey,
I just forgot to duck."
- Jack Dempsey, to his wife after
losing the world heavyweight boxing title in 1926
(10-1-02) |
|
"I
had such a good year I didn't want to forget it."
- Dick Stuart, former Boston Red Sox
first baseman, explaining to a policeman why he still
had 1963 plates on his car in 1964
(10-1-02) |
|
"A
nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
- Yogi Berra
(9-16-02) |
|
"I
called the doctor and he told me the contraptions were
an hour apart."
- Mackey Sasser, telling how he knew
his wife was in labor in 1988 while he was a catcher
for the New York Mets
(9-16-02) |
|
"If
we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking
we're not as good as we think we are."
- Casey Stengel, referring to his
1953 New York Yankees team
(9-16-02) |
|
"The
good Lord was good to me. He gave me a strong
body, a good right arm, and a weak mind."
- Dizzy Dean on his Hall of Fame career
(8-16-02) |
|
"Listen,
Alex, on a clear day I can see the sun, and that sucker
is 93 million miles away."
- Former major league umpire Dick
Stello, after being accused by Fort Worth manager Alex
Grammas of the Texas League of not being able to see
if a ball 250 feet away was fair or foul
(8-16-02) |
|
"Most
people my age are dead at the present time."
- Casey Stengel, former manager of
the New York Yankees and New York Mets
(8-16-02) |
|
"We
have almost no controversy. I should get in a
fistfight with Jack Nicklaus on the 18th green."
- Tom Watson talking about golf's
modest TV ratings
(8-1-02) |
|
"What's
the difference between a 3-week-old puppy and a sportswriter?
In 6 weeks, the puppy will stop whining."
- Former Chicago Bears coach Mike
Ditka on the media
(8-1-02) |
|
"Retire
to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've
got no place to retire to."
- Julius Boros to a golf reporter
(8-1-02) |
|
"Is
that the best game you ever pitched?"
- A question posed to Don Larsen following
his perfect game in the 1956 World Series
(7-16-02) |
|
"We
don't need that hooting and hollering."
- Bill Campbell, former president
of the United States Golf Association, referring to
Tiger Woods' sometimes exuberant fans
(7-16-02) |
|
"I
want to thank everyone who made this day necessary."
- Yogi Berra, addressing the St. Louis
crown on Yogi Berra Appreciation Day
(7-16-02) |
|
"This
fight is going to be 90% mental and 50% physical."
- Boxing trainer Lou Duva
(7-1-02) |
|
"He
can hit just as good right-handed as he can left-handed.
He's just naturally amphibious."
- Yogi Berra talking about teammate
Mickey Mantle
(7-1-02) |
|
"Before,
I couldn't make any important putts. Now I miss
more than I did, but I also make more than I did."
- Mike Hulbert on making the witch
to putting with just his right hand
(7-1-02) |
|
"I'd
look for the guy who lost it, and if he were poor, I'd
return it."
- Yogi Berra on what he'd do if he
found $1 million
(6-16-02) |
|
"We
used to pray the White Sox and the Cubs would merge
so Chicago would have only one bad team."
- To Dreesen on growing up a baseball
fan in Chicago
(6-16-02) |
|
"Just
remember the words of Patrick Henry - 'Kill me or let
me live.'"
- Bill Peterson during his halftime
pep talk
(6-16-02) |
|
"That
didn't bother me, but it did upset me when the principal
said it was rather stupid class overall."
- Lou Holtz on placing 234th of 278
in his high school class
(6-1-02) |
|
"Physically,
he's a world-beater. Mentally, he's an eggbeater."
- Michigan center Matt Elliott, describing
Ohio State linebacker Alonzo Spellman
(6-1-02) |
|
"I
don't know what all the commotion down there is, but
it somethin' to do with a fat lady."
- Dizzy Dean, St. Louis Browns announcer,
as the Queen of the Netherlands was being seated
(6-1-02) |
|
"You
said run to a red light. All the lights were green."
- Boxer John-John Molina, calling
manager Lou Duva from a phone 10 miles from their hotel (5-16-02)
|
|
"I'll
take a two shot penalty, but I'll be damned if I'm going
to play the ball where it lies."
- Pro golfer Elaine
Johnson after her tee shot bounced off a tree and landed
in her bra
(5-16-02) |
|
"Tell
Len I'm very proud of him. I hope he does better
next time."
- Toki Lockhart, after her grandson,
Len Barker, tossed a perfect game
(5-16-02) |
|
"You
know that isn't really his hair. They found that
hanging off some horse's butt."
- Jerry Glanville on the dreadlocks
of San Francisco 49er tight end Jamie Williams
(5-1-02) |
|
"He's
a great player. He ceases to amaze me every day."
- Ray Perkins, Tampa Bay Bucs coach,
on kicker Gary Anderson
(5-1-02) |
|
"Julio
Cesar Chavez speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual,
too."
- Don King, Chavez's boxing promoter
(5-1-02) |
|
"We
should be allowed to wear shorts. God almighty,
women are allowed to wear 'm [on the LGPA tour], and
we've got better legs than they do."
- Greg Norman after a round in nearly
100-degree heat
(4-16-02) |
|
"A
lot of horses get distracted. It's just human
nature."
- Champion horseracing trainer Nick
Zito (4-16-02)
|
|
"I'm
really happy for Coach Cooper and the guys who've been
around here for six or seven years, especially our seniors."
- Former Ohio State quarterback Bobby
Hoying after the Buckeyes captured a share of the Big
Ten title
(4-16-02) |
|
"I
don't know. I've never played there."
- Golfer Sandy Lyle on his opinion
of Tiger Woods during Woods' rookie year
(3-1-02) |
|
"It
was a little different. It was like playing inside."
- Steve Webber, University of Georgia
baseball coach, after a game in the Louisiana Superdome
(3-1-02) |
|
"My
gluteus maximus is hurteus enormous."
- Tony Campbell, Minnesota Timberwolves
forward, after falling hard on his hip
(3-1-02) |
|
"Here's
the man of the hour at this particular moment."
- Promoter Don King introducing victorious
boxer Azumah Nelson
(2-16-02) |
|
"I'd
rather have something for around $300 from a sheep that
fooled around a little."
- Basketball coach Chuck
Daly, passing on a $1,300 virgin wool suit
(2-16-02) |
|
"The
world will end before there is another .400 hitter...I
think that was mentioned in the Bible."
- Lenny Dykstra, Philadelphia Phillies
outfielder
(2-16-02) |
|
"I'm
going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Rod Brookin, former basketball player
for the University of Pittsburgh
(2-1-02) |
|
"He's
one man who didn't let success get to his clothes."
- Mike Ditka on John Madden
(2-1-02) |
|
"Hawaii
doesn't win many games in the United States."
- Lee Corso, ESPN football analyst,
trying to explain why the University of Hawaii Rainbows
football team's poor mainland record
(2-1-02) |
|
"When
George goes into a restaurant, he doesn't ask for a
menu. He asks for an estimate."
- Lou Duva, on George Foreman
(1-16-02) |
|
"I
don't know about Mantle or DiMaggio. Were they
as good as Ken Griffey, Jr.?"
- New York Yankee prospect Ruben Rivera,
on being touted as the next Mickey Mantle or Joe DiMaggio
(1-16-02) |
|
"When
coaches don't want to talk, they say you don't understand.
It's funny how fans and media understand wins.
But everyone gets stupid with losses. Losing breeds
stupidity."
- John Madden
(1-16-02) |
|
"If
God had an agent, the world wouldn't be built yet.
It'd only be about Thursday."
- Jerry Reynolds, Sacramento Kings
executive
(1-1-02) |
|
"It's
a partial sellout."
- Skip Caray, Atlanta Braves broadcaster,
on a home field "crowd" of 6,000 fans
(1-1-02) |
|
"We're
totally committed to defense. I'm not sure our
defense is committed to defense, but the rest of our
team is."
- Lou Holtz, then-Notre Dame head
coach (1-1-02)
|
|
"I
don't want to be a hero. I don't want to be a
star. It just works out that way."
- Reggie Jackson (12-1-01)
|
|
"We'll
be back with the recrap after these messages."
- New York Mets broadcaster Ralph
Kiner (12-1-01)
|
|
"If
he gets you in trouble, and you see three bald heads,
aim at the middle one."
- Archie Moore's advice to James "Quick"
Tillis before a boxing match against Ernie Shavers
(12-1-01)
|
|
"It's
like a menu: they can look, but they can't afford it."
- Tennis glamour girl Anna Kournikova,
about her male fans
(11-16-01) |
|
"Hello
everybody, and welcome to Two Rivers Stadium."
- San Francisco Giants play-by-play
man Hank Greenwald, after he was asked to shorten his
pre-game talk at Three Rivers Stadium
(11-16-01) |
|
"Me
- on instant replay."
- Derek Sanderson, when asked to name
the best hockey player he ever saw
(11-16-01) |
|
"Our
consistency has been up and down all season."
- Boston Celtics center Robert Parish
(11-1-01) |
|
"I
am the greatest golfer in the world. I just haven't
played yet."
- Muhammad Ali (11-1-01)
|
|
"They
broke it to me gently. The manager came up to
me before a game and told me they didn't allow visitors
in the clubhouse."
- Bob Uecker, on being cut by a baseball
team (11-1-01)
|
|
"Nobody
goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded."
- Yogi Berra
(10-16-01) |
|
|
"Statistics are used by baseball fans
in much the same way that a drunk leans against a
street lamp; it's there more for support than for
enlightenment."
- Baseball announcer Vin Scully
(10-16-01)
|
|
"Sure
the fight was fixed. I fixed it with my right
hand."
- George Foreman
(10-16-01) |
|
"He
slides into second base with a stand-up double."
- San Diego Padres broadcaster Jerry
Coleman (10-1-01)
|
|
|
"They measured me when I was sitting
down."
- 7'7" basketball player Manute
Bol, explaining why his passport listed him at 5'2"
(10-1-01)
|
|
"I
guess we shouldn't be patting them on the bottom anymore."
- Michael Jordan, on changing the
relationship with NBA referees due to the addition of
female officials
(10-1-01) |
|
"You
give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that's
not enough, in the second half you give what's left."
- Yogi Berra
(9-16-01) |
|
|
"I went through life as a player to be
named later."
- Former catcher Joe Garagiola
(9-16-01)
|
|
"We
can't win at home. We can't win on the road.
As a general manager, I just can't figure out where
else to play."
- Orlando Magic GM Pat Williams
(9-16-01) |
|
"Let
me give you an idea how much money that is. By
the time he gets a sign from his brain to scratch his
groin, he's made $1,600."
- Jay Leno, on Ken Griffey, Jr.'s
multi-million dollar contract
(9-1-01) |
|
|
"I don't know - I only played there nine
years."
- Former Dallas Cowboy Walt Garrison,
when asked if coach Tom Landry ever smiled
(9-1-01)
|
|
"We
were so poor, every Christmas Eve my old man would go
outside and shoot his gun, then come in and tell us
kids that Santa Claus had committed suicide."
- Boxer Jake LaMotta
(9-1-01) |
|
"I
never cease to amaze myself. I say that humbly."
- Boxing promoter Don King
(8-16-01) |
|
|
"I prefer fast food."
- San Francisco Giants coach Rocky
Bridges, on why he won't eat snails
(8-16-01)
|
|
"On
the day of the race, a lot of people want you to sign
something just before you get in the car so that they
can say they got your last autograph."
- A.J. Foyt (8-16-01)
|
|
"Wasn't
watching."
- Broadcaster Phil Rizzuto, when asked
what "ww" stood for in his score book following
an at-bat (8-1-01)
|
|
|
"He'll scream from the 60th row of bleachers
that you missed a marginal call in the center of the
interior line, and then won't be able to find his
car in the parking lot."
- NFL referee Jim Tunney, on some
football fans
(8-1-01)
|
|
"Well,
if it's undisputed what's all the fighting about?"
- George Carlin on the heavyweight
boxing championship
(8-1-01) |
|
"If
he raced his pregnant wife, he'd finish third."
- Tommy Lasorda on former Dodgers
catcher Mike Scioscia
(7-16-01) |
|
|
"You know what they do when the game
is rained out? They go to the airport and boo
bad landings."
- Bob Uecker on Philadelphia Phillies
fans
(7-16-01)
|
|
"Andujar
Cedeno to lead it off. He swings. And he
is hit by a pitch. And it is over the wall and
out of here for a home run."
- Ralph Kiner, New York Mets broadcaster
(7-16-01) |
|
"We
certainly played with a lot of intensity. The
score was certainly no indication of the way Fisher
High played."
- DoBee Plaisance, girls' basketball
coach for St. Martin Episcopal, on the team's 72-0 win
(7-1-01) |
|
|
"Buy one and send it to my mother.
It's her fault I look like this."
- Don Zimmer, on looking like an
old bulldog in a newspaper photo
(7-1-01)
|
|
"I
am the best promoter in the world. And I say that
humbly."
- Don King
(7-1-01) |
|
"If
it's your brain, you'll be fine. That's the smallest
organ in your body."
- Charles Barkley to Chris Mullin,
who had fainted
(6-16-01) |
|
|
"Now that I'm here, we'll turn the program
around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks'
top draft pick
(6-16-01)
|
|
"The
Mets had their first .500 or better April since July
of 1992."
- Ralph Kiner
(6-16-01) |
|
"Why
would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He
went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike
Tyson once again hooking up with Don King
(6-1-01) |
|
"Maybe
the fan was trying to tell me I stink."
- Neal Morton, University of Michigan
basketball sub, after a deodorant stick landed at his
feet during a home game
(6-1-01) |
|
"I
ain't doing nothin' and I don't do it before noon."
- ex-NFL coach Bum Phillips
(6-1-01) |
|
"Most
of my clichés aren't original."
- Former Rams coach Chuck Knox
(5-16-01) |
|
"What
do you think I am, a geologist?"
- Former Florida State football coach
Bill Peterson, asked if he thought rain would fall before
a big game
(5-16-01) |
|
"I
left at halftime."
- Andre Agassi on his opinion of the
musical "Les Miserables"
(5-16-01) |
|
"What's
the penalty for killing a photographer - one stroke
or two?"
- Davis Love III, after his swing
was affected by a camera going off
(5-1-01) |
|
"Lay
down so I can recognize you."
- Willie Pep, ex-featherweight champion,
on seeing a former fighter whose name he didn't remember
(5-1-01) |
|
"He's
the first guy to drive a $300,000 car with license plates
he made himself."
- Jay Leno, after Mike Tyson bought
four Bentley automobiles upon his release from prison
(5-1-01) |
|
"Picture
a barnyard full of pigs at the trough."
- Mike Brown, former Cincinnati Bengals
general manager, describing agents
(4-16-01) |
|
"You
guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football
coach
(4-1-01) |
|
"That
play went 5-4-3 if you're scoring at home - or even
if you're watching by yourself."
- ESPN's Keith Olbermann, describing
a double play
(3-16-01) |
|
"If
caring for a person is based on yelling and screaming,
then he loves us very much."
- Terry Nelson, Cincinnati Bearcats
forward, describing coach Bob Huggins
(3-1-01) |
|
"You
can sum up this sport in two words: You never know."
- Boxing trainer Lou Duva
(2-1-01) |
|
"You
know, when the World Cup is over, all these people will
go home. Which means the only people bouncing balls
off their head will be the Chicago Cubs outfielders."
- Jay Leno
(1-1-01) |
|
"The
way I've been going, I couldn't drive Miss Daisy home."
- Andy Van Slyke, former Pittsburgh
Pirates outfielder, on his RBI slump
(12-18-00) |
|
"Yeah,
but I love you more than football and basketball."
- Tommy Lasorda to his wife, who declared
that he loved baseball and the Dodgers more than her
(12-11-00) |
|
"They
didn't outplay us."
- University of Missouri linebacker
Darryl Major after a 73-0 loss to Texas A&M
(12-1-00) |
|
"The
sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri."
- Sportscaster Jerry Coleman, announcing
a Royals game from Kansas City, Missouri
(11-16-00) |
|
"I
can happily say I made a 100-degree turn in my life."
- Boxer Hector "Macho" Camacho
on returning to the ring
(11-1-00) |
|
"We've
got to find a way to win. I'm willing to start cheating."
- Former New England Patriots tight
end Marv Cook on his team's 0-6 start
(10-23-00) |
|
"But
the real tragedy was that fifteen hadn't been colored
yet."
- University of Florida
coach Steve Spurrier, after a fire burned 20 books at
Auburn's football dormitory
(10-16-00) |
|
"Oh,
I can't do that. That's my bad side."
- Yogi Berra, after a photographer
asked him to look straight at the camera
(10-1-00) |
| |
