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Political Babble

The following are all of the Weekly Babble that have appeared on Mindless Crap, followed by the date in which it appeared.

 

 

"We're very proud to have Sugar Ray and Mrs. Ray here."
              - President Ronald Reagan in 1981, welcoming boxing champion Sugar Ray Leonard and his wife to the White House  (4-1-04)

"It's hard when you have to choose between a crook and a Nazi."
              - Former Louisiana governor David Treen summing up the choices facing voters in the 1991 gubernatorial race in which former KKK leader David Duke lost the election to twice-indicted, but never convicted former governor Edwin Edwards  (4-1-04)


"Do candidates now pose for office, rather than run for office?"
              - Harry Boyle, Canadian journalist  (2-1-04)

"Make no mistake about it: Operation Desert Storm was a victory of good over evil, of freedom over tyranny, of peace over war."
              - Vice President Dan Quayle to a Memorial Day audience in 1991  (2-1-04)


"There's no moral problem there.  I used to teach ethics - trust me."
              - William Bennett, antidrug czar in the George H. W. Bush administration, championing the idea of decapitating convicted drug dealers in 1989   (12-1-03)

"I will remember I was in the desert."
              - Alabama congressman Sonny Calahan , noting where he was when the Persian Gulf war started - at a luxury resort in Palm Springs, California  (12-1-03)


"I declare this thing open, whatever it is."
              - Britain's Prince Philip, upon dedicating the Vancouver City Hall  (10-1-03)

"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet."
              - Napolean Bonaparte, expressing his thoughts on religion  (10-1-03)


"They're always very relieved when Congress is not in session."
              - Senator David Pryor of Arkansas in 1989, returning to Washington after recess, on the mood of his constituents  (9-1-03)

"Let each of us ask, not just what will government do for me, but what I can do for myself."
              - Richard Nixon in his second inaugural address in 1973, butchering John F. Kennedy's famous line from Kennedy's inaugural address twelve years earlier  (9-1-03)

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward."
              - President Franklin D. Roosevelt  (8-1-03)

"Dewey has thrown his diaper into the ring."
              - Harold Ickes, on Thomas Dewey's announcing his presidential candidacy against Harry Truman  (8-1-03)


"We are powerless in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it obstructs interstate commerce."
              - Former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover  (7-1-03)

"What am I supposed to order?"
              - President Ronald Reagan in 1984, to an aid while campaigning at a McDonald's in Tuscaloosa, Alabama  (7-1-03)


"Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm.  There's nothing to do but stand there and take it."
              - Former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson  (6-1-03)

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."
              - Plato  (6-1-03)

"My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician.  And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference."
              - Former U.S. President Harry S. Truman  (4-1-03)

"One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time."
              - Robert Kennedy, talking about public opinion polls  (4-1-03)


"I'd rather be watching you in bed with my wife."
              - Former presidential candidate Barry Goldwater, when asked if he'd appear on a talk show  (3-1-03)

"I could take this home, Marilyn.  This is something teenage boys might find of interest."
              - Dan Quayle during a 1990 visit to Chile, moments before purchasing a South American Indian doll that, when lifted, displays an erection  (3-1-03)


"Wait a minute, I'm not interested in agriculture.  I want the military stuff."
              - Virginia senator William Scott to Pentagon officials who were attempting to brief him on missile silos  (2-1-03)

"We like you!  But you're sleeping with the enemy."
              - A message on a placard held by a protester who greeted Barbara Bush when she campaigned for her husband in the New Jersey primary in 1992  (2-1-03)


"You allow me to license and regulate marijuana, and I'll fill every hotel and motel room in the state of Kentucky."
              - Gatewood Galbraith, Democratic gubernatorial candidate, on his campaign platform for legalizing pot in order to boost tourism, in 1991  (1-16-03)

"Swearing is an art form.  You can express yourself much more directly, much more exactly, much more succinctly, with properly used curse words."
              - Detroit mayor Coleman Young in 1991, defending his frequent use of expletives  (1-16-03)


"Warren, it's a lucky thing you weren't born a girl, because you can't say no."
              - President Warren Harding, recalling his father's advice after the Teapot Dome scandal  (12-16-02)

"What is the difference between the Conservative caucus and a porcupine?  Well, you see, a porpupine has all its pricks on the outside."
              - Deposed Conservative leader John Diefenbaker of the Canadian House of Commons   (12-16-02)


"It's Robert Dole's misfortune that when he does smile, he looks as if he's just evicted a widow."
              - Columnist Mike Royko in 1988, commenting during Dole's presidential campaign   (12-1-02)

"Our beautiful Hawaiian isle is, for us, worse than Alcatraz.  Alcatraz at least gives free room and board."
              - Imelda Marcos in 1988, on the difficulties of life in exile   (12-1-02)


"The real question for 1988 is whether we're going forward to tomorrow or past to the - to the back!"
              - Dan Quayle in 1988, losing his train of thought during a presidential campaign speech in 1988   (12-1-02)

"Never believe in anything until it has been officially denied."
              - Eighteenth century German leader Otto von Bismarck   (11-1-02)

"Congress would exempt itself from the laws of gravity if it could."
              - Congressman Henry Hyde in 1988.  Congress is exempt from many of the provisions of its own laws that are imposed on the general public.  Examples include the Equal Opportunity Act, the Civil Rights Act, the Occupational Safety and Health Act, and the Fair Labor Standards Act   (11-1-02)


"I don't understand it and it doesn't interest me."
              - Senator Gordon Humphrey commenting on his wife Patricia's work in creating a national organization devoted to orgonomy, a field of psychology that holds that orgasms are essential to mental health   (11-1-02)

"Yeah, I think there's some social changes going on....AIDS, for example, uh, is a, is a, uh, disease of poverty in a sense.  It's where hopelessness is.  It's bigger than that of course."
              - George Bush in 1988, asked a straightforward question about why so many Americans use illicit drugs  (10-16-02)

"Get that whore off that chair."
              - Attributed to Senator Steven Symms of Idaho, directed at a female TV reporter who was critical of him in her coverage  (10-16-02)


"Well, did you do any fornicating this weekend?"
              - Richard Nixon to David Frost, moments before taping am interview in 1976  (10-16-02)

"You don't have to go to college to achieve success.  We need the people who do the hard physical work of our society."
              - George Bush, who labeled himself as "the education president," during a 1988 talk with Hispanic high school students in East Los Angeles   (10-1-02)

"The party of homosexuals."
              - Utah senator Orrin Hatch, describing the Democratic Party at a Republican fund-raiser   (10-1-02)


"A left wing cult dedicated to bringing down the type of government I believe in."
              - James Watt in 1982, describing the environmental movement   (10-1-02)

"You no buy our rice, we no buy your cars."
              - Presidential candidate David Duke in 1991, issuing a warning to the Japanese   (9-16-02)

"I'm the Prime Minister of Canda, I live here and I'm about to go and have a leak."
              - Lester Pearson in 1967, during a meeting between himself and President Lyndon Johnson, whose Secret Service detail had taken over Pearson's cottage rettreat.  At one point, a Johnson guard asked Pearson, "Who are you and where are you going?"    (9-16-02)


"Why you got your boob covered up?"
              - Ernest Konnyu, Republican congressman from California, to a 26-year-old female aide.  He later tried to extricate himself from controversy by saying, "At the press conference, she wore her name tag...right over her boobs...I didn't think it was right for her to have her name tag on in a  - it should be up high.  She's not exactly heavily stacked, OK?...So I told her...to move the darn name tag off her boobs."   (9-16-02)

"Damn it, when you get married, you kind of expect you're going to get a little sex."
              - Alabama Senator Jeremiah Denton, commenting in 1981 on the prosecution of a man charged with raping his wife   (8-16-02)

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman."
              - Maryon Pearson, wife of Canadian prime minister Lester Pearson   (8-16-02)


"I'm gonna be so tough as mayor I'm going to make Attila the Hun look like a faggot."
              - Philadelphia police commissioner Frank Rizzo during his 1971 successful campaign for mayor    (8-16-02)

"If you don't want to work for a living this is as good a job as any."
              - Congressman John F. Kennedy in 1946   (8-1-02)

"We don't want war.  We hate war. We know what was does."
              - Iraqi president Saddam Hussein in 1990, about a month before invading Kuwait   (8-1-02)


"We are so much alike.  Don't you think we could have a beautiful chocolate-colored daughter together?"
              - Margaret Trudeau, wife of Canadian prime minister Pierre, to Lou Rawls in 1979   (8-1-02)

"Facts are stupid things."
              - Ronald Reagan addressing the Republican National Convention in 1988.  He was misquoting John Adams, who in 1770 wrote, "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence."   (7-16-02)

"Let us not forget we are in the Balkans, where lies and deceit are the highest moral values."
              - Viktor Zakelj, Socialist Party deputy in Slovnia, addressing the secessionist republic's legislature in 1991   (7-16-02)


"That's garbage.  Why can't they catch me in a sex scandal?  I could use some good publicity."
              - California assembly speaker Willie Brown in 1990, on an FBI investigation into his connection with a garbage company   (7-16-02)

"You can lead a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink."
              - Toronto mayor Allan Lamport   (7-1-02)

"Any tree in America would gladly give its life for the glory of a day at home plate."
              - Congressman Dick Durbin in 1989, condemning the possible use of aluminum bats in major league baseball   (7-1-02)


"It gives me great pleasure to welcome Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew and Mrs. Yew to Singapore."
              - Ronald Reagan in 1985, welcoming Mr. and Mrs. Lee (surnames come first for Singapore natives).  President Reagan was also in the process of welcoming the prime minister to a state function at the White House, not to Singapore   (7-1-02)

"Your dedication and tireless work with the hostage thing, with Central America, really gives me cause for great pride in you and thanks.  Get some turnkey, George Bush."
              - George Bush's written note of thanks to Oliver North sometime around Thanksgiving 1985.  It was read by North on the television program Nightline in 1991   (6-16-02)

"As we debate these matters, at Exhibition Stadium the Blue Jays are trouncing the Cleveland Indians 9-1 and Dave Stieb is pitching a one-hitter."
              - Gregory Sorbara, Ontario labor minister, during a legislative debate in 1988, responding to a question about reforming the laws dealing with sexual assault   (6-16-02)


"What a great saving!"
              - Former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet in 1991, reacting to news that victims of his 1973 coup had been buried two to a coffin   (6-16-02)

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
              - Newly inaugurated President Gerald Ford   (6-1-02)

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind - or to not have a mind.  How true that is."
              - Dan Quayle in 1989, addressing the United Negro College Fund   (6-1-02)


"I think Comrade Gorbachev is a little nervous about me.  Yes, unfortunately I think he has the idea I want his job."
              - Ousted Politburo member Boris Yeltsin in 1989   (6-1-02)

"I'm busier than a whore working two beds."
              - C.D. Howe, Canadian cabinet minister of the 1940s and 1950s   (5-16-02)

"The people have spoke - the bastards."
              - Dick Tuck, on his 1966 loss in a California state senate race   (5-16-02)


"My fellow Americans, I've talked to you on a number of occasions about economic problems and opportunities our nation faces and I am prepared to tell you , it's a hell of a mess."
              - Ronald Reagan in 1982, during a sound check prior to a radio address   (5-16-02)

"I think if they had known I was a member of Congress, I could have understood it."
              - Congressman Gerry Studds in 1990, after being mugged by two Washington youths  (5-1-02)

"You'll hear from 20 senators before you get a chance to speak.  It may be the most painful part of the process."
              - Senator Joseph Biden, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, to Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas at Thomas's confirmation hearings in 1991   (5-1-02)


"Just quiet down, baby."
              - Canadian justice minister John Crosbie to parliamentarian Sheila Copps in 1985.  At the time, Crosbie was responsible for laws respecting the equality of women.   (5-1-02)

"If I win, I win.  And if I lose, I spare myself untold agony."
              - John Crosbie, unsuccessful candidate for the Progressive Conservative Party leadership in 1983   (4-16-02)

"If I didn't like Senator Dole, I'd say he's being deceptive.  But I do like him, so I'll just say he's waffling."
              - John Sununu, spearheading George Bush's successful bid to win the New Hampshire primary in 1988, on his allegation that Bush rival Robert Dole had been inconsistent in his position on a possible oil-import fee   (4-16-02)


"The truth is no ugly woman can succeed in politics."
              - Edith Cresson, former prime minister of France, in 1991   (4-16-02)

"No matter how we define the term, Canada has an acute shortage of rich people."
              - Canadian finance minister Michael Wilson in 1985, defending his decision not to raise taxes on the wealthy   (3-1-02)

"I make no apologies for telling him (Ronald Reagan) what I thought.  For eight years I was sleeping with the President, and if that doesn't give you special access, I don't know what does!"
              - Nancy Reagan in her autobiography, My Turn   (3-1-02)


"Warren, it's a lucky thing you weren't born a girl, because you can't say no."
              - President Warren Harding, recalling his father's advice after the Teapot Dome scandal   (3-1-02)

"You just give me the word and I'll turn that fucking island into a parking lot."
              - Attributed to Secretary of State Alexander Haig by Nancy Reagan in her autobiography, My Turn, on advice Haig gave President Reagan about Cuba   (2-16-02)

"I have climbed to the top of the greasy pole."
              - British statesman Benjamin Disraeli in 1868, on becoming prime minister   (2-16-02)


"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
              - Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah in 1988, advocating the use of the death penalty for murders committed during drug deals   (2-16-02)

"Eddie, you know why [the local paper] doesn't endorse you...it's because you're an asshole."
              - George Keverian, speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, denouncing Massachusetts Congressman Edward Markey   (2-1-02)

"Don't tempt me."
              - George Bush in 1989, when reporters asked him to display the middle finger from which he was about to have a cyst removed   (2-1-02)


"Cabin boy."
              - Mario Cuomo's name for Dan Quayle   (2-1-02)

"If you feel guilty, see a priest."
              - Ed Koch in 1988, launching his campaign to discourage people from giving money to panhandlers and homeless people on the city's subways  (1-16-02)

"I know inside I've got a lot of fiber here"
              - George Bush in 1988  (1-16-02)


"If it's inevitable, just lay back and enjoy it."
              - Clayton Williams at a rained-out campaign event during the 1990 gubernatorial race in Texas.  Williams was advising reporters at the event to compare the weather with how one should cope with rape  (1-16-02)

"The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning."
              - Adlai Stevenson in 1952, during his unsuccessful presidential campaign against Dwight Eisenhower   (1-1-02)

Voice in the crowd:  "Vive la France!"  (Long live the French!)

Pierre Trudeau:  "Si vous voulez.  Vive la France, et vive les Anglais, aussi.  Et vive la république des patates frites."  (If you like.  Long live the French, and long live the English, as well.  And long live the French fries republic."
              - Pierre Trudeau campaigning in 1968   (1-1-02)


"Another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo."
              - Dan Quayle going ballistic in attempting to ridicule the Democrats' position on grain embargoes   (1-1-02)

"Who is this chickenshit?"
              - George Bush in 1991, on Senator Paul Wellstone of Minnesota   (12-1-01)

"I never trust a man unless I got his pecker in my pocket."
              - Former President Lyndon Johnson   (12-1-01)


"Why are we more shocked when a dozen people are killed in Vilnius than by a massacre in Burundi?  Because they are white people.  That's who we are.  That's where America comes from."
              - Former Presidential candidate Pat Buchanan in a 1991 interview with Britain's Sunday Telegraph.  Buchanan began his run for the presidency by worrying that Judeo-Christian values in America were in danger of being dumped into "some landfill called multiculturalism"   (12-1-01)

"Tell me, General, how dead is the Dead Sea?"
              - Former Vice President George Bush to Jordanian chief of staff Zeid bin Shaker   (11-16-01)

"Is that racist?"
              - D.A. Coon, mayor of Petersburg, Alaska, after telling a joke about "barbequed black boys" in 1991  (11-16-01)


"How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?"
              - Charles de Gaulle   (11-16-01)

"How are you, Mr. mayor?  I'm glad to meet you.  How are things in your city?"
              - Ronald Reagan in 1981, mistaking the only black member of his cabinet, housing secretary Samuel Pierce, during a White House reception for mayors   (10-16-01)

"Does Mike Tyson live near here?"
              - Nelson Mandela in 1990, during a walking tour of Manhattan after reporters asked if he had any questions about the city   (10-16-01)


"What a slut."
              - Canadian member of parliament William Kempling in 1991, attacking Liberal Party deputy leader Sheila Copps   (10-16-01)

"Thirty years ago, I would have tried."
              - Georgia House speaker Tom Murphy to fellow representative Anne Mueller after she protested having her microphone switched off, saying "Mr. Speaker, will you please turn me on!"   (10-1-01)

"To err is human.  To blame someone is politics."
              - Hubert Humphrey   (10-1-01)


"Under the present Prime Minister parliament has been compared to a cemetary operated by its own occupants."
              - John Diefenbaker in 1970, faulting prime minister Pierre Truduea for his disrespect of Parliament   (10-1-01)

"I think I could bring some new blood to the office."
              - Campaign slogan of Mike Pulliam, who lost his 1988 bid for coroner of Hughes County, South Dakota   (9-16-01)

"When you've had a long life and you're ripe, then it's time to go."
              - John Silber, 63, explaining why he favors rationing of health benefits for the elderly   (9-16-01)


"What's wrong with barbers?"
              - Alberta premier Don Getty in 1991, defending the appointment of his barber to the Alberta Gaming Commission   (9-16-01)

"Who'd you sleep with to get your job?"
              - Jon Peck, press secretary to Florida governor Bob Martinez, to a female Miami Herald reporter   (9-1-01)

"He has Minnesota running-water disease.  I've never known anyone from Minnesota that could keep their mouth shut.  It's just something in the water out there."
              - Lyndon Johnson on his vice president, Hubert Humphrey   (9-1-01)


"Yes I am.  And you're ugly.  But tomorrow I'll be sober."
              - Winston Churchill, to a woman who complained that he was drunk   (9-1-01)

"The good news is that the lesbians are upset with Kerrey.  The bad news is that they'll be coming our way to support us."
              - David Beckwith, Dan Quayle's press secretary, in 1991  (8-16-01)

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles."
              - President Ronald Reagan in 1981  (8-16-01)


"Well, if I had, I wouldn't tell you."
              - Presidential candidate Bill Clinton in 1992, responding to a reporter's question: "Have you ever had an extramarital affair?"   (8-16-01)

"The White House really badly, badly needs china."
              - Newly inaugurated First Lady Nancy Reagan, explaining why during the recession of 1981 she ordered $200,000 worth of new china for the presidential mansion   (8-1-01)

"I haven't really been able to sort out exactly there has been this degree of pessimism."
              - President George Bush in December 1991, during the 18th month of the longest, if not deepest recession since the Great Depression   (8-1-01)


"This is just my contribution to perestroika."
              - Texas congressman Charlie Wilson in 1990, when a Washingtonian magazine writer saw him inspecting some lace panties with a young Soviet woman in a lingerie shop  (8-1-01)

"That was the ultimate heckle."
              - Presidential candidate Al Gore in 1988, responding to a university student who yelled that Gore would make a good vice president  (7-16-01)

"A billion here, a billion there and pretty soon you're talking about real money."
              - Senator Everett Dirksen on fiscal policy  (7-16-01)


"Unemployment insurance is a paid vacation for freeloaders."
              - Ronald Reagan in the late 1970s   (7-16-01)

"Why in God's name we're going to punish a man for having sex with his wife when she says, 'No, not tonight,' I don't know."
              - Bud Long, South Carolina state senator, opposing a spousal rape law   (7-1-01)

"Why you got your boob covered up?"
              - Representative Ernest Konntu (R, California) to a female aide   (7-1-01)


"I have made good judgements in the past.  I have made good judgements in the future."
              - Dan Quayle in a Los Angeles Times interview   (7-1-01)

"Desert Storm was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression and lawlessness."
              - Vice President Dan Quayle   (6-16-01)

Q:  Did President Clinton ever lie to you?

A:  I've never talked about my private conversations with the president and I'm not going to start now. 
              - Vice President Al Gore   (6-16-01)


"Following a nuclear attack on the United States, the United States Postal Service plans to distribute Emergency Change of Address Cards."
              - U.S. Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) Executive Order 11490   (6-16-01)

"It depends on what the meaning of is is."
              - President Bill Clinton   (6-1-01)

"There are a bunch of other rats lining up to jump on board."
              - Vermont congressional candidate Susan Sweetser after a shuffle in her top staff during her campaign   (6-1-01)

"Are those what regular people call clams?"
              - Republican representative Roy Brun during a Louisiana state legislative hearing on regulating freshwater mussels   (6-1-01)

"Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. Don't they deserve some representation on the court?"
              - Roman Hruska (R-NE), defending Judge Harold Carswell, the first Nixon nominee for the Supreme Court, against charges that he was mediocre   (5-16-01)

"I made no attempt to be inaccurate, but I want to be clear I was not attempting to be precise."
              - Treasury chief of staff Josh Steiner, accused by Congress of lying when his diary entries did not jibe at all with what he told them   (5-16-01)

"Well, shit!"
              - Nashville councilman Ludye Wallace expressing his sentiments on television after losing a 1995 election   (5-16-01)

"It's a question of whether we're going to go forward into the future, or past to the back."
              - Vice President Dan Quayle   (5-1-01)

"Things happen more frequently in the future than they do in the past."
              - Washington governor Booth Gardner   (5-1-01)

"I think incest can be handled as a family matter within the family."
              - Representative Jay Dickey (R, Arkansas) defending his position against abortion even in the case of rape or incest   (5-1-01)

"There are different Klans - just like there's different fraternities at a college."
              - Louisiana state representative David Duke in 1990, explaining his former leadership role in the Ku Klux Klan   (4-16-01)

"Thanks very much for sending me the clipping...I have never felt so young and virile."
              - California governor Ronald Reagan, responding to a friend who sent a clipping in which a state senator charged that, "Illegitimate births to teenage mothers have increased alarmingly while Reagan has been in office."   (4-1-01)

"I would have made a good Pope."
              - President Richard Nixon   (3-16-01)

"It's a very good question, very direct, and I'm not going to answer it."
              - President George Bush in 1990, on what sort of deficit-reduction proposals he would present to Congress   (3-1-01)

"Here's to the great people of the government of Israel...Egypt, excuse me."
              - President Gerald Ford, lifting his glass in a toast, at a state dinner given by Egyptian president Anwar Sadat   (2-1-01)

"Now the only thing that remains unresolved is the resolution of the problem."
              - Ontario education minister Tom Wells in 1976   (1-1-01)

"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them."
              - President George H. W. Bush   (12-18-00)

"Madam, if I were your husband I'd eat it."
              - Winston Churchill to a woman who admonished him, saying, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your food."   (12-11-00)

"Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we are going to succeed."
              - Ronald Reagan during a 1982 GOP fund raiser speech   (12-1-00)

"It was involuntary. They sank my boat."
              - John F. Kennedy on how he became a war hero. His patrol boat was rammed by a Japanese warship   (11-16-00)

"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."
              - Dan Quayle in 1989, during a visit to Hawaii   (11-1-00)

"No one wants to go back to their district and say that taxes are going up. That's why I'm in Hong Kong!"
              - Congressman Esteban Torres of California in 1990, on his tour of Asia during the congressional summer recess   (10-23-00)

"I'm pro-death. I believe in the death penalty. Let's get on with it."