|
Other
Babble
|
| The following
are all of the Weekly Babble that have appeared on Mindless
Crap, followed by the date in which it appeared.
|
"I
wouldn't pay $50,000 for any damn book, any time."
- Jack Warner of Warner Bros.
Studios, refusing to purchase the movie rights to Gone
With The Wind
(4-1-04) |
|
|
"Disney, of course, has the best
casting. If he doesn't like the actor, h just
tears him up."
- Alfred Hitchcock on Walt
Disney's film stars
(4-1-04)
|
|
"Who
is this Sean Connery?"
- Ursula Andress on the actor signed
to play James Bond in 1962's Doctor No.
Andress would then have to be persuaded to star
opposite Connery in the film
(2-1-04) |
|
|
"I can't imagine Rhett Butler chasing you for
ten years."
- David O. Selznick's alleged
response to Katherine Hepburn after the actress
approached the director for the female lead in Gone
With The Wind
(2-1-04)
|
|
"It's
not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be
there when it happens."
- Filmmaker Woody Allen
(12-1-03) |
|
|
"Bigamy is having one wife
too many. Monogamy is the same."
- 19th century writer Oscar Wilde
(12-1-03)
|
|
"Critics
are eunuchs at a gang-bang."
- George Burns giving his thoughts
on critics
(10-1-03) |
|
|
"I must say that [George]
Bernard Shaw is greatly improved with music."
- Writer T.S. Eliot, after watching
a performance of My Fair Lady
(10-1-03)
|
|
"There's
nothing wrong with southern California that a rise in
the ocean level wouldn't cure."
- Ross MacDonald, author, on his thoughts
about the people of southern California
(9-1-03) |
|
|
Anonymous actress: "I enjoyed your book.
Who wrote it for you?"
Ilka Chase: "Darling, I'm so glad you liked
it. Who read it to you?"
(9-1-03)
|
|
"Acting
is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class
way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple
could do it at the age of four."
- Katherine Hepburn
(8-1-03) |
|
"The
singer will have to go."
- Rolling Stones producer Eric Easton
in 1963
(8-1-03) |
|
"Yes,
the operator should have seen the deer, and yes, it
should have been removed."
- Walter Bortree of the Pennsylvania
Department of Transportation, on a road repair crew
that paved over a dead deer
(7-1-03) |
|
"The
length of a film should be directly related to the endurance
of the human bladder."
- Famed director Alfred Hitchcock
(7-1-03) |
|
"Most
rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing
people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa
(6-1-03) |
|
"There
was never any trouble getting girls. But it's
big trouble getting rid of them."
- Sean Connery, quoted during his
younger days
(6-1-03) |
|
"Music
for plumbers and bricklayers."
- British musician Ian McCulloch,
talking about U2
(4-1-03) |
|
"Critics?
I love every bone in their heads."
- Writer Eugene O'Neill
(4-1-03) |
|
"I
always knew Frank would end up in bed with a boy."
- Ava Gardner, referring to Frank
Sinatra and Mia Farrow
(3-1-03) |
|
"I
don't miss waking up next to the ugliest girls in the
world."
- Richard Harris, listing for interviewer
Roger Ebert a benefit of swearing off drinking
(3-1-03) |
|
"People
think I gave a sexy walk. Hell, I'm just trying
to hold my gut in."
- Actor Robert Mitchum
(2-1-03) |
|
"Well,
I can."
- Charlton Heston, responding to Edward
G. Robinson when Robinson, who was trying to break a
long silence as the actors were side-by-side waiting
for the crew to set up a scene, had said "I just
can't sit next to somebody for nearly half an hour and
not say hello."
(2-1-03) |
|
"It's
a scientific fact that if you stay in California, you
lose one point of IQ for every year."
- Truman Capote, on his impression
of Hollywood (1-16-03)
|
|
"I
love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known."
- Walt Disney (1-16-03)
|
|
"No,
Norman's not here. But I'll be happy to stab you."
- Manager of a Bates Motel in Nevada,
responding to Psycho enthusiasts who ask for
Anthony Perkins's character Norman Bates
(12-16-02) |
|
"Why
did you throw away $500 on that big ape? Didn't
you see his ears when you talked to him? And those
big feet and hands? Not to mention that ugly face."
- Jack Warner (think Warner Brothers)
to the agent who signed Clark Gable
(12-16-02) |
|
"I'm
not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes, because I
know I'm not dumb. And I also know that I'm not blonde."
- Dolly Parton
(12-1-02) |
|
"Always
forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
- Oscar Wilde
(12-1-02) |
|
"Hard
work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
- Charlie McCarthy, noted author
(12-1-02) |
|
"What
is this, a memory test?"
- Elizabeth Taylor's supposed response
when a justice of the peace asked the names of her previous
husbands before officiating another of her marriages
(11-1-02) |
|
"I
just don't feel that my algebra teacher should ever
know what my butt looks like."
- Julia Roberts, explaining why she
refuses to do nude scenes
(11-1-02) |
|
"...Hedda
Hopper and...and...what's the fat one?"
- Marlon Brando trying to recall Louella
Parson's name on Larry King Live in 1994
(11-1-02) |
|
"I
should think so. I've had enough practice."
- Rod Stewart, after being asked if
he was a good lover
(10-16-02) |
|
"I'd
let my wife , children and animals starve before I'd
subject myself to something like that again."
- Don Siegel on working with Bette
Midler
(10-16-02) |
|
"It
was horrible and I hated it."
- Kirsten Dunst at age 12, reacting
to kissing Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire
(10-16-02) |
|
"My
daddy is a movie actor, and sometimes he plays the good
guy and sometimes he plays the lawyer."
- Malcolm Ford, explaining to pre-school
classmates what his father Harrison does for a living
(10-1-02) |
|
"Mr.
President, you've got your show to run and I've got
mine."
- Elvis Presley to Richard Nixon in
the Oval Office in 1970, after the President noted Presley's
velvet outfit, which included a cape. Nixon had
said, "Boy, you sure do dress kind of wild, don't
you?"
(10-1-02) |
|
"It
sounds too much like 'LeSewer'."
- Pete Smith, MGM's publicity chief,
urging MGM co-founder Louis Mayer to change the name
of newcomer actress Lucille LeSueur. Lucille,
who would come to be known as Joan Crawford, hated the
name, and often complained that "It sounds like
Crawfish!"
(10-1-02) |
|
"Dennis
Quaid and Meg Ryan are expecting a child in March.
And get this - they're even married!"
- Gossip columnist Liz Smith
(9-16-02) |
|
"I
don't miss waking up next to the ugliest girls in the
world."
- Richard Harris, listing for interviewer
Roger Ebert a benefit of swearing off booze
(9-16-02) |
|
"I
like the moment when I break a man's ego."
- Former world champion chess player
Bobby Fischer in 1972
(9-16-02) |
|
"Always
the bride, never the bridesmaid."
- Anonymous person referring to Elizabeth
Taylor after yet another wedding
(8-16-02) |
|
"I
guess it was just a matter of time before she grew tired
of picking up guys one at a time"
- David Letterman on Madonna's reported
intention to buy a pro basketball team
(8-16-02) |
|
"What
are you going to do, talk the alien to death?"
- James Cameron's response to Sigourney
Weaver's hesitancy about using guns in the movie Aliens
(8-16-02) |
|
"For
what - wrinkled sheets, burlap sacks, and loincloths?"
- Critic Rex Reed discussing the 1982
Oscar for Best Costume Design won for the movie Ghandi
(8-1-02) |
|
"Go
away, go away! I don't need you anymore!"
- Norma Talmadge, shooing away autograph
seekers as she exited a Hollywood restaurant after retiring
(8-1-02) |
|
"Every
woman is afraid of a mouse."
- Louis B. Mayer of MGM, suggesting
why Mickey Mouse would never become popular
(8-1-02) |
|
"She's
the original good time that was had by all."
- Bette Davis on Marilyn Monroe
(7-16-02) |
|
"I
don't care if she doesn't know how to cook - so long
as she doesn't know a good lawyer."
- Errol Flynn, defining his ideal
wife
(7-16-02) |
|
"Some
son of a bitch put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice."
- W.C. Fields, after studio officials
secretly replaced his gin-laced juice with plain juice
in an effort to keep him sober
(7-16-02) |
|
"I'm
not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because
I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde."
- Country singer Dolly Parton
(7-1-02) |
|
"Diplomacy
is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find
a rock."
- Hollywood legend Will Rogers
(7-1-02) |
|
"Once
you can accept the universe as matter expanding into
nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid
comes easy."
- Albert Einstein explaining how he
selects his clothes every day
(7-1-02) |
|
"Oh,
here comes Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny and Jimmy
Smits!"
- Roger Ebert, announcing the arrival
of Mel Blanc and Jimmy Smits to the Academy Awards ceremony
(6-16-02) |
|
"An
end is in sight to the severe weather shortage."
- BBC weatherman Ian
Macaskill informing the public about the coming changes
in the weather
(6-16-02) |
|
"My
cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a
bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
- Dan Rather - CBS Evening
News anchorman, during an interview
(6-16-02) |
|
"I
need sex like I need food."
- Barbara Streisand
(6-1-02) |
|
"Traffic
is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking
of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
- An unnamed reporter talking about
the morning traffic
(6-1-02) |
|
"His
head looks like my crotch."
- Roseanne Barr, talking about Don
King
(6-1-02) |
|
"The
other car collided with mine without giving warning
of its intention."
- A brief statement about how an accident
happened, exactly as it appeared on an accident claim
form
(5-16-02) |
|
"Go
see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why
you shouldn't see it."
- Samuel Goldwyn, talking about one
of his studio's movies
(5-16-02) |
|
"Why
do you always insist on playing while I'm trying to
conduct?"
- Eugene Ormandy, conductor
of the Philadelphia Orchestra
(5-16-02) |
|
"Mick
Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad."
- Author Truman Capote
(5-1-02) |
|
"Who
the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
- H.M. Warner, c-founder of Warner
Brothers, in 1927
(5-1-02) |
|
"Louis
Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
- Pierre Pachet, Professor
of Physiology at Université Toulouse, in 1872
(5-1-02) |
|
"Computers
are useless. They can only give you answers."
- Pablo Picasso
(4-16-02) |
|
"Once
you can accept the universe as matter expanding into
nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid
comes easy."
- Albert Einstein
(4-16-02) |
|
"Because
sheep can't type."
- Former senator Ken Armbrister of
Texas, when asked why God invented women
(4-16-02) |
|
"Other
people talk about the overpopulation problem.
At least I'm doing something about it."
- An unnamed mass
murderer
(3-1-02) |
|
"A
cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around
for a coffin."
- H.L. Mencken, 1920s newspaper columnist
(3-1-02) |
|
Reporter:
"Do you date much?"
Ringo Starr: "What are you doing tonight?"
(3-1-02) |
|
"Nobody
shot me."
- The last words of Frank Gusenberg
when asked by police who shot him 14 times with a machine
gun in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre
(2-16-02) |
|
"Damned
if I know. And you can be fucking sure I'll never
rent from Avis again."
- Herbie Sperling, on why he had two
guns and an axe that were used in three murders in the
trunk of his rented car
(2-16-02) |
|
"I
have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible
for loopholes."
- W.C. Fields
(2-16-02) |
|
"The
only bad publicity is your obituary."
- Douglas Kenney, co-author of Animal
House
(2-1-02) |
|
"If
you suck a tit, you're rated X; but if you cut it off
with a sword, you're PG."
- Jack Nicholson, on how movies get
their ratings
(2-1-02) |
|
"I
want the same things all men do: Rice Krispies and some
sucking."
- Dudley Moore, on the finer things
in life
(2-1-02) |
|
"You
want to know how I make my money? There are two
million fools born for every intelligent man."
- Arnold Rothstein, the man behind
the 1919 Black Sox scandal
(1-16-02) |
|
"I
don't want a lawyer to tell me what I can't do.
I hire him to tell me how to do what I want to do."
- J.P. Morgan
(1-16-02) |
|
"Let's
do it."
- The last words of convicted murderer
Gary Gilmore, to his firing squad
(1-16-02) |
|
"To
succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent.
She can't wait to disprove it."
- Cary Grant
(1-1-02) |
|
"Most
rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing
people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa
(1-1-02) |
|
"A
woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving
its purpose without obstructing the view."
- Sophia Loren
(1-1-02) |
|
"My
big fantasy has been to seduce a priest."
- Linda Ronstadt
(12-1-01) |
|
"I
think he's a joke, with all that fag dancing."
- John Lennon, talking about Mick
Jagger
(12-1-01) |
|
"TRESPASSES
WILL BE EATEN"
- Sign on the gate of a lion-guarded
estate of marijuana smuggler Ken Burnstine
(12-1-01) |
|
"A
vacuum with nipples."
- Otto Preminger, describing Marilyn
Monroe
(11-16-01) |
|
"I'm
not an authority on sex. I'm more of a fan."
- George Burns
(11-16-01) |
|
"If
Robert Kennedy were alive today, he would support my
petition for parole."
- Sirhan Sirhan, the man who assassinated
Robert Kennedy
(11-16-01) |
|
"Only
Capone kills like that."
- George "Bugs" Moran, on
the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
(11-1-01) |
|
"The
only man who kills like that is Bugs Moran."
- Al Capone, on the Saint Valentine's
Day Massacre
(11-1-01) |
|
"I
get sexual satisfaction out of breaking into a place.
I don't take anything."
- William Heirens, convicted burglar,
kidnapper, and murderer
(11-1-01) |
|
"I
find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon
and fine it $40."
- Judge Roy Bean, finding a pistol
and $40 on a man he'd just shot
(10-16-01) |
|
"I
never killed a man who didn't need it."
- Old West outlaw Clay Allison
(10-16-01) |
|
"You
can get much further with a kind word and a gun than
you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone
(10-16-01) |
|
"But
what ... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing
Systems Division of IBM in 1968, commenting on the microchip
(10-1-01) |
|
|
"The wireless music box has no imaginable
commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent
to nobody in particular?"
- David Sarnoff's associate, responding
to his urgings for investment in the radio in the
1920s
(10-1-01)
|
|
"Sun
may influence earth's climate"
- Headline to a news item from the
Associated Press
(10-1-01) |
|
"Computers
in the future may weigh no more than one and a half
tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the
relentless march of science in 1949
(9-16-01) |
|
|
"In the Soviet Union we have literally
dozens of steaks. Dozens."
- An unnamed former member of the
Soviet Politbureau
(9-16-01)
|
|
"We
don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way
out."
- Decca Recording Company
after rejecting the Beatles in 1962
(9-16-01) |
|
"I
was too polite to ask."
- Gore Vidal, on whether his first
sexual experience was with a man or a woman
(9-1-01) |
|
|
"This is virgin territory for whorehouses."
- Al Capone, on suburbia
(9-1-01)
|
|
"They're
giving bank robbing a bad name."
- John Dillinger, on Bonnie and Clyde
(9-1-01) |
|
"They
will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly."
- The Duke of Wellington, on early
steam engines
(8-16-01) |
|
|
"The first guy that rats gets a bellyful
of slugs in the head. Understand?"
- Joey Glimco, trade unionist
(8-16-01)
|
|
"You
have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth."
- John Lennon
(8-16-01) |
|
"You
see that fucking fish? If he'd kept his mouth
shut he wouldn'ta got caught."
- Mob boss Sam Giancana on a stuffed
swordfish
(8-1-01) |
|
|
"The chief problem of lower-income farmers
is poverty."
- Nelson Rockefeller
(8-1-01)
|
|
"I
never turned blue in anyone's bathroom. I think
that's the height of bad taste."
- Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones
(8-1-01) |
|
"Researchers
have discovered that chocolate produces some of the
same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers
also discovered other similarities between the two but
can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show
(7-16-01) |
|
|
"The length of a film should be directly
related to the endurance of the human bladder."
- Alfred Hitchcock
(7-16-01)
|
|
"A
verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
- Samuel Goldwyn
(7-16-01) |
|
"The
first time I slept with a girl, I didn't know where
to put my peter."
- Billy Martin
(7-1-01) |
|
|
"This is out best estimate at this time:
somewhere in the East we think we'll be getting some
snow."
- Christina Abernathy on The Weather
Channel
(7-1-01)
|
|
"Honolulu
smells like sex."
- Andy Warhol
(7-1-01) |
|
"But
what ... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division
of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip
(6-16-01) |
|
|
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings
to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
The device is inherently of no value to us."
- 1876 Western Union internal memo
(6-16-01)
|
|
"I'm
just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his
face and not Gary Cooper."
- Gary Cooper on his decision not
to take the leading role in Gone With the Wind
(6-16-01) |
|
"Computers
in the future may weigh no more than one and a half
tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march
of science in 1949
(6-1-01) |
|
"I
have traveled the length and breadth of this country
and talked with the best people, and I can assure you
that data processing is a fad that won't last out the
year."
- The editor in charge of business
books for Prentice Hall, 1957
(6-1-01) |
|
"In
the Soviet Union we have literally dozens of steaks.
Dozens."
- Former member of the Soviet Politbureau
(6-1-01) |
|
"Only
enemies of the Soviet Union can think of the KGB as
some sort of secret police."
- Yuri Andropov, then head of the
KGB
(5-16-01) |
|
"I
think I am. Therefore, I am...I think."
- George Carlin
(5-16-01) |
|
| Reporter:
"Do you like topless bathing suits?"
Ringo Starr: "We've been wearing them for years."
- From one
of the many interviews with The Beatles
(5-16-01)
|
|
"If
I had as many love affairs as you give me credit for,
I would be speaking to you from a jar at the Harvard
Medical School."
- Frank Sinatra
(5-1-01) |
|
| Robin:
[Gazing at a female criminal's legs] "Her legs
sort of remind me of Catwoman's."
Batman: "You're growing up Robin, but
remember: In crimefighting, always keep your sights
high."
- A scene from the Batman TV series
(5-1-01)
|
|
"I,
Wm. F. Cody, do hearby swear before the Great and Living
God, that during my engagement and while I am an employee
of Russell, Majors and Waddell, I will, under no circumstances,
use profane language; that I will drink no intoxicating
liquors; that I will not quarrel or fight with any other
employee of the firm; and that in every respect, I will
conduct myself honestly, be faithful to my duties, and
so direct all my acts to win the confidence of my employers.
So help me God."
- The statement Buffalo
Bill Cody had to sign in order to become a Pony Express
ride
(5-1-01) |
|
"Any
girl who doesn't want to screw can leave right now."
- Babe Ruth
(4-16-01) |
|
"In
war, just as in loving, you've got to keep on shoving."
- General George Patton
(4-1-01) |
|
"Nothing.
She just has to lie there."
- Richard Burton, on what makes a
woman good in bed
(3-16-01) |
|
"Smoking
kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important
part of your life."
- Brooke Shields
(3-1-01) |
|
"More
than the usual number of flakes shut the government
down in Washington today."
- WNYW Channel 5 News during the Blizzard
of 1996
(2-1-01) |
|
"If
we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called
research, would it?"
- Albert Einstein
(1-1-01) |
|
"The
only way three may keep a secret is if two of them are
dead."
- Benjamin Franklin in his book Poor
Richard's Almanac
(12-18-00) |
|
"I
will be damned if I propose to be at the beck and call
of every itinerant scoundrel who has two cents to invest
in a postage stamp."
- Nobel Prize winner William Faulkner
after being fired as a community postmaster
(12-11-00) |
|
"I
think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM,
in 1943
(12-1-00) |
|
"Sharks
are not interested in eating people. They tend to investigate
people and one way they do that is to bite. But generally
they take one or two bites and then go away."
- An unnamed New York ichthyologist
(11-16-00) |
|
"The
reason I feel so guilty about masturbation is that 'm
so bad at it."
- David Steinberg
(11-1-00) |
|
"For
some reason, young girls like me."
- Director Roman Polanski after pleading
guilty to having sex with a 13 year old girl and then
fleeing the United States
(10-23-00) |
|
"You're
only as old as the woman you feel."
- Groucho Marx
(10-16-00) |
|
"Everything
that can be invented has been invented."
- U.S. Patent Office Commissioner
Charles H. Duell in 1899, upon calling for the abolition
of his office
(10-1-00) |
| |
