Came to the conclusion that the mixture of Pepto Bismol & Alka Seltzer will not produce the cure for AIDS, but may end up being a new hair growth product. Further testing is planned.

   Wait...I get it now. Hooters! They're not talking about some stinking owl - they're talking about those very well dressed ladies who flirt with you!

   Resolved to figure out how a baby that drinks only white-colored milk can produce green crap.

   Instead of watering their fields, shouldn't corn farmers go out and butter the crops every morning?

   Since everybody automatically assumes that there's soap in a soap dispenser, I'm going to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a valuable lesson in trust.

   I realized that I love the Internet. Where else would I be able to shorten a word like "ok" to "k" just to save time?

   There's something about that old adage, "The early bird gets the worm." If the early bird gets the worm, then what incentive do worms have to wake up early? Death?

   I think the best job in the world is the guy who comes up with the titles of porn movies. Come on...Riding Mrs. Daisy? Topless Brain Surgeons? White Men Can't Hump? And, of course: Big, Brown, Bomb Boo-Yow Booty, Brazilian Bitches? Classics, my friend. Classics.

   Lift with your knees and not with your back. Wait...you know what? Whoever came up with that idea is an idiot. Everybody knows that when it comes to lifting, the best way to do it is with your hands.